At certain times in one's life one comes to terms with their very own peculiarities and then decides to make the most of them. I am doing that now. Peculiarities including:
obsessive compulsive thoughts that loop around until i organize/file them mentally.
body dysmorphic disorder.
Pretty run of the mill for girls nowadays if you ask me. But either way the option is to be a little wacko and high strung with a ton of internal turmoil OR be my strange bad-ass self who is gleefully happy all most of the time. I choose B.
Now for changing patterns. F. Hard. And so easy to keep feeding off negative cycles with drama and gossip. So what is there to do? Drugs? Sure that's the easy way out (and I am not discounting them, especially for rough patches) but I'm looking for long term solutions where I can be me:
Ease up on thoughts of food / exercise / body image - the less I obsess and just decide what the plan is as the day goes on, the less I worry & the easier it is to make good choices.
Love yourself... Yes you. Probably the hardest, but again Dr. Low's tools apply for positive reinforcement, how's this: "Endorse yourself for the effort, not only for the performance" - every day we are faced with decisions, work, dilemmas, stressors, and every day we keep chugging along. I got out of bed today. Good for me. I completed a successful day of work and got my stuff done. Good for me. I got to bed on time. Success.
Lastly... Say goodbye to negative influences in your life. Thinking back to the friends, boyfriends and work situations that are no longer part of my life I can see why they were attractive - we fed on mutual drama. No hard feelings kids, but I am done.
I just merged my music onto the cloud this week and that means re-hearing music from specific timepoints over the past decade or so. One genre is breakup songs, a few of which I played on a loop for a month last year, ah how far a year can take you.
Another and even better genre is kick-ass workout music for my shuffle which resulted in some newfound vigor for my workouts. Totally necessary, because as Mom and I stated last night, we are putting in more efforts to workout and eat well than in the summer and yet the scale is stagnant WTF.
Now that I am living in the suburbs, this decision should be easy with less distractions, no? Wrong. I would typically walk to one of my gyms or walk around the Back Bay but instead I workout and then drive home to be sedentary and cuddle with my hot man while watching TV or we go out and eat.
Something drastic must be done. That something is this plan (I'm doing ok aside from points 2 and 4) ::
1. Workout 5 days a week as follows:
2. Drink 2 nights or less (max of 4 drinks/nt)
3. Eat as follows: 6 x / day each meal consisting of 180-300 calories - lean proteins, complex carbs, omega rich fats in moderation
4. 2 cheat meals / week
Aside from that I have no complaints. I made pesto for the first time yesterday (YUM), I am anti SOPA & PIPA, work is going well as is debt management (all CCs paid off by late April depending on my tax return!) = EEeeeee!!!!!!
it's true. it feels really shitty to break into a bag or box of sweets alone... but add a friend and VOILA instant comradery.
my mom always vents online about how she suffers through communal food in the workplace, and sure enough at my job there is pizza/pastries/candy/etc... every f ing day. which makes me think of that post going around Facebook with the Ethiopian kids up against the fat white chick on a supermarket sweep... sigh... #whitegirlproblems ::
either way, since starting this job I have had no pizza and none of the delicious North End pastries... not a one. and hence, even though I am not a skinny mini I still fit in summer clothes :D ::