looking back, I was a fairly awkward child. I mean, the glasses... ugh.
but at the time I really was a magical thinker, I thought I looked like my dolls and also thought I was pretty much one of the better looking girls. I also thought I was a master-crafter, thanks to my mom's undying praise for all things artistic that I did.
hence my angelic grin when I perfectly replicated Kirsten's American Girl Doll Christmas Head Wreath... #nailedit
p.s. new goalllllllssss! Download 10_years_09Mar15
I don't re-read my goals very often and have quite honestly slacked at updating them since Aug13 (a break-up, work, 2nd job, broken foot, life, not-life, bullshit, more bullshit, etc. got in the way) - I hadn't ignored them completely, but was going about things in a driven but unfocused manner...
however, I re-read them today (while left justifying old posts and resizing all images to 500pixels wide... OCD alertttt!) and had a good chuckle about how ahead of them I am AGAIN. imagine if I had stayed focused?
as of the last 6 months my <1year goals have taken on a new format as a list in my phone (thanks Stevey J.). these are short form goals that have a 1 year timeline.
but really doe... I have to get my nose to the grindstone and update that 10 year plan...
if I write it... I will do it. #accountability.
ok... 1 week, starting NOW.
p.s. just realized that the left justifying is not the best option... the best option is to "justify all" #reeditallposts...
well doesn't this blogger just explain it perfectly... here in my 29th year on the planet I've been valuing all the things that matter a lot more & it's pretty awesome.
of course I'll be updating my goals tonight (after I hit the gym. pow.)
“a girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. a woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” n. mah
the one constant in life is that everything changes... and with those changes you re-evaluate where you were and where you're going.
despite heartache and disappointments some things rise to the top, amazing friends, a stronger sense of self and an ability to adapt & grow. and now I am hitting the ground running with an updated set of goals! Download 10_years_11Aug13
a little while back I won the cutest baseball tee from an All Women Stalk facebook contest (yes AWS, great blog, great apps, great giveaways.... blah blah blah). Now that I am overwearing the shirt I won I want more & based on the nautical inspiration of the brand I feel as though the time to stock up will be Pre-Figawi weekend :D
the brand... The Printed Palette
here is me rocking my current adorbs t *live life anchored*:
side note, the brand runs true to size so I would say for the slouchy look, order up a size
other side note, they frequently run Instagram / Twitter sales so watch out!
happiest of new years!
just revamped the blog to something more minimalistic & I am re-examining my goals as well as hitting the ground running with priorities for the new year... stay tuned loveys <3 Xx
Money can buy happiness. It can buy ::
Treasure. The best treasure.
& because I am so altruistic I am sharing the details of my treasure.
One day I was perusing Saucy Glossie and saw the awesomest bracelets (and thought, how nice more shiz I cannot afford nor will I ever remember to purchase... #firstworldprobz).
Serendipitiously I found myself in the SOWA Market in Boston that Sunday and saw a little booth with the *same* bracelets... no joke, same brand! There I met Lana and her mother and bought one, and it was love (especially the magnetic metal clasp and tiny logo charm)!!!
I even bought more cheap-o friendship bracelets to complete my look!
Lo and behold I lost it in Lake George. Then I bought another at Flock... another water victim, this time to the Jaw's bridge in Martha's Vineyard. Damn my bridge jumping vanity!
Luckily, Lana reached out to me and we connected. The icing on the cake was an invite to her awesome workshop in South Boston & meeting her precious little Fiona <3
xoxo thanks Lana!
why must infographics be so compelling?
saw this bad boy on Instagram and now I can worry about poisoning my skin in addition to aging it. greatttt ::
I work for a major retailer in the U.S. which sells billions yearly in their 3 main stores. I have the rewarding job of working in the digital marketing department on 3 brands - 2 of the brands are fashion brands and 1 is a home brand, which is great because of the discount of the inspiration for my personal life!
it also makes it challenging to have a blog theme as I want to post outfits as well as home inspirations... #princessprobz #lesigh
here is an outfit I chose to wear this week & I am not shocked anymore (after seeing the pics) why 3 separate men hit on me that day... it is a bootylicious pencil skirt when caught from the right angle. play up your assets, girls!
skirt - boutique in allston 5 years ago (from either Pixi or Lola's... can't remember)
tank - gifted from bf xmas'11 from Nordstrom
Marc Fisher heels - bought for interview at said company in oct'11
Chanel Sunnies - gifted from bf for vday... love <3
bracelet - self-gifted in roatan, honduras in jan'06
ring - gifted from my talented mother, it is an amethyst on 16K gold from James Meyer Jewelry.
watch - gifted as a joke from Nick who bought it for the series 7(?) exam and specifically asked in kmart for the cheapest watch. yes. true story.
necklace - found in the trash room at old apartment, where there was an entire display of jewelry set out for trash. I am assuming an angry ex-bf dumped his gf's shiznit for the world to steal. thank you, messy breakups.
photoshopping - OMG thanks to Brittany for making me tan / my teeth gleam :D
Yesterday Anna came over. And I was ironing. No. it gets worse. I was ironing Bobby's shirts. Have I become a hybrid of both of my grandmas? Well I wasn't using starch so I think I'm safe on that count. And to be fair, I was ironing his expensive linen shirts because I had haphazardly washed and dried them amongst the plebian clothing & as a result they were more wrinkled than my bulldog's smoosh face...
Aside from my imminent domestication, things are really great. And as much as I have no clue of what's going to happen in the future, I can look back on the last 3 years and distinctly see how I got to this exciting spot. Hard work, love, relationships, friends, not giving up & not accepting less than what I know is the best (from and for myself).
Now for the funnery to begin.
We are living in a new apartment in the South End & although it is beautiful, clean, organized to a T & full of love, the appearance is somewhat "clinical" (per Bobby's assessment). In order to warm it up we get to start with the fun of interior decorating. I started already at HomeGoods this weekend with 2 of one kind and 1 of another kind of pillows for the leather couch (in addition to many organizational solutions). We have 2 oil paintings in the living room & 2 pet portraits in the bedroom& the bathroom is for B&W shots.
Next up will be an odd number (3 or 5) of brown, black & gray vases & small sculptures for one of the window sills.
After that? Bobby's metal fabrication co. will step in with some epic metal gear (steel coffee table, steel shelves, steel bar cart & more!). Some shapes for steel shelving inspiration I found are the following, thoughts?
I also have a dedicated Pinterest board for the cause & someday hope to only feature images of the furniture Bobby has crafted - like this steel & black walnut table:
guess what's updated?! Download 10 year6-7-12
Poor Chris. I broke up with him over tuna tartare.
At certain times in one's life one comes to terms with their very own peculiarities and then decides to make the most of them. I am doing that now. Peculiarities including:
Pretty run of the mill for girls nowadays if you ask me. But either way the option is to be a little wacko and high strung with a ton of internal turmoil OR be my strange bad-ass self who is gleefully happy all most of the time. I choose B.
Now for changing patterns. F. Hard. And so easy to keep feeding off negative cycles with drama and gossip. So what is there to do? Drugs? Sure that's the easy way out (and I am not discounting them, especially for rough patches) but I'm looking for long term solutions where I can be me:
The best thing about moving is throwing away what you don't use. The next best thing is going through the old letters, photos & keepsakes that you have saved through the years. Fotunately, my desire to purge hasn't overwhelmed the very small level of sentimentality that I do have and I've saved some letters from my Grandma Anderson who passed away in 2006 (and whose personality and temperment were probably where my own came from).
Grandma grew up on a farm and ran away when she was ~13 years old, forged working papers, became a nanny & waitress, then after a nasty fall in her late teens she was fused at the hip and walking on crutches til the day she died. To top it off her husband (Grampa Teddy) died when both of her kids were under 5 years old.
She asked me not to share some of the details in the letter, but I think the letter needs to be shared & she isn't around to swat me with a flyswatter anymore so here it is, typos and all, as a reminder to who I am and where I came from :: (sorry Gram)
2004
Honey,
Please don't get mad at me, but I worry about you, thinking maybe that this new guy can afford the places + gifts all girls love. But don't think that can be love. It maybe can become it give it time. I know after your first real love, you hurt so bad when it ends no matter who ends it. You know your heart better than any one else. I liked Gerad I hope I spelled his name right, I only met him once. You said he had faults we all do. But take your time. I was so hurt when I broke up with Harold (he cheated just once but I thought he would do the same after marriage).
I was lucky to marry someone I respected. It was the best thing I ever did. He was a good lover, a friend I could talk to him for hours. He was a hard worker. A wonderful father. He loved Kathy + John so much. When I got hurt he was at the hospital 11 1/2 month every day. No matter how tired he was. He was there in the good + the bad, the birth of our first sons then 4 miscarriages. I loved him very much the longer we were married till the day he died. He knew I didn't love him + still loved Harold but I told him the way I felt but he loved me + I was afraid I'd go back + marry Harold + if he cheated I would have had the same life my mother had (Never)
But he turned out good + become head of Local 6 + Ortomenal Steel Union.
20 years later my brotherinlaw told him where I lived + that I was a widow. He came to my door + Kathy said Mr. Boltz was at the door + my kids knew all about him. I told my kids when they were teenagers. That I married Ted 3 days after our first date. I also was engaged 2 years to Boltz. But no sex. I refused maybe that is why he cheated. He told me he couldn't believe I dropped him + married Ted that fast. My best friend called him + said if he loved me I was getting married the next morning + then it would be to late. He got lost + we were just walking out of the church. He jumped out of the car + said are you married. I can't tell you how I felt. But I never drank. I had 2 Brandies on an empty stomach. Then had chicken dinner. I got stinko then at the hotel I threw up.
He was good, he said go to sleep I know how you feel. We got a life time. The next nite was really our first.
I just couldn't date Harold when he asked. I knew the girl he married + they had 2 children. Kathy + John really liked him. I said he could call + we could be friends (phone friends). Every couple of months he call we would talk. My heart jumped when I first seen him after all those years it was like yesterday. My kids said after. I said Harold your life with Dolly + mine with Ted turned out good. I would never had had Kathy + John. He said, no we would have had our own.
Once on the phone I asked him how long did it take for him to forget me. He said how long for me I said 2 yrs + then I knew I had found I loved Ted + never looked back. Just before he hung up he said I'll let you know when that day comes. 2 months later and 1 call later I saw his death notice it was Oct 2. I cried and I never knew what killed him. But I still think 12 happy years with Ted. I would do it all over again. I loved 2 men both in different ways. I was amazed that being on crutches didn't bother him at all he said my mother had health problems (Heart) but he never stopped loving her. Louise you remind me of how much your like me. Hard working, passionate, strong willed, stubborn, lots of pride. Once men said I was beautiful 36-26-36 when I got married + when I modeled. Men are going to tell you the same thing. My step mother gave me good advice when I told her my knees knocked when Harold kissed + that I never felt that way. I kid you not I'd been kissed plenty before.
She said, be careful that guy will get in your pants. So stop + think. Is this a guy who loves you or just wants you. I know now days women have sex if they want too, thats fine I'm not square + times have changed. I was on my own if I got in trouble I had no one to help me. + tell you the truth I never really was tempted till Harold. Because I didn't drink I could control my feelings. But got to admit Ted + I loved sex.
So maybe its good I didn't find out when I was young. All I'm saying is there is the right guy out there + you will find him or he will find you. Just tell me to butt off or drop dead. But I care + don't think your as happy as act. If I wrong just tear this up + forget it. I'm to tired to copy this over. Messy as hell. Please tear this up this is just for you to read. I hate to write letters, If I had a better education like you, I'd be better at it.
I love you kid.
Gram
Better sight would help that's getting older. I got great kids + love all my grandchildren,
Lot's of memories just wish Ted could of loved longer. He would have been so proud of Kathy + John. And would have loved all you kids.
I just merged my music onto the cloud this week and that means re-hearing music from specific timepoints over the past decade or so. One genre is breakup songs, a few of which I played on a loop for a month last year, ah how far a year can take you.
Another and even better genre is kick-ass workout music for my shuffle which resulted in some newfound vigor for my workouts. Totally necessary, because as Mom and I stated last night, we are putting in more efforts to workout and eat well than in the summer and yet the scale is stagnant WTF.
Now that I am living in the suburbs, this decision should be easy with less distractions, no? Wrong. I would typically walk to one of my gyms or walk around the Back Bay but instead I workout and then drive home to be sedentary and cuddle with my hot man while watching TV or we go out and eat.
Something drastic must be done. That something is this plan (I'm doing ok aside from points 2 and 4) ::
1. Workout 5 days a week as follows:
2. Drink 2 nights or less (max of 4 drinks/nt)
3. Eat as follows: 6 x / day each meal consisting of 180-300 calories - lean proteins, complex carbs, omega rich fats in moderation
4. 2 cheat meals / week
Aside from that I have no complaints. I made pesto for the first time yesterday (YUM), I am anti SOPA & PIPA, work is going well as is debt management (all CCs paid off by late April depending on my tax return!) = EEeeeee!!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my compulsive tendencies (aligning things so they're squared & perpendicular, can't sleep without my clothes put away, rapid loop thinking about negative OR positive topics - to name a few) are either pretty average and common or if they are pretty extreme, with an acute sense of self-control not to scream all the time.
I'm pretty even-keeled and easygoing in general, but at times (especially at PMS times) the monster cannot be tamed and comes barreling out in horrific glares and/or unwarranted accusations and fury, it truly is a sight to be seen ::
And then I think of how lucky I am which results in kitties, puppies, ringpops & triple-double-rainbows leaking out of my heart and I am then melting. Sometimes it is shocking to me that I have friends/a bf/family left and that they have not all been blown into smithereens., but I guess the happier side of me keeps them around ::
A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. Shakespeare
I recently made the unconscious decision to "stay in touch" with people, especially ones that I hadn't spoken to in years. I think it correlates with the (temporary) decision of living with my boyfriend out in the suburbs and my hour+ driving time each day. So far two girls I had been meaning to call were completely receptive and our interactions made me feel really positive (and also realize the amount of misunderstandings that can result from what people read on Facebook - ugh!).
The real problem I am having is keeping my New Year's Resolution of flossing my teeth every night.
I have a wrinkle in my forehead. I guess I furrowed my brow enough and it got stuck that way. In desperation I've been trying to associate it with dehydration or sleeping on my stomach (with my face jammed into the pillow, so the most likely culprit).
That's it. Nothing left to do but get older.
Might as well throw in the towel and say goodbye to my youth right now. In fact, I think I may want to start acting like an old woman. That means I can be even MORE crazy and forgetful than I already am. Forget my underwear? No biggie (those of you that know me already know that this has been occuring for years now, so in all actuality, my mental deterioration has had many telltale signs of slippage).
In fact, I've already changed my lounging attire to include Uggs and a men's t-shirt. It's pretty awesome and comfortable, although bending over and walking can be pretty embarassing.
You know what's awesome? This ::
It is a steel, rolling, metal clothing rack, designed by my boyfriend for my clothes and shoes. Thereby eliminating his constant headache due to my running around like a chicken with her head cut off when I can't put together an outfit at his house. It's one of my favorite things right now and he even sanded it down so I wouldn't get scraped on any rough edges.
It's pretty easy to play the comparison game because there is always someone better/more qualified/prettier/younger/wiser/more correct/at peace... Always. At some point you need to take a deep breath and let that all go. It's you v. you and the only obstacles are complacency & distraction from your big picture.
How to avoid those distractions? Umm I dunno?!?! But recently (and after some catastrophically dumb decisions) I made the conscious decision to *try to* avoid toxic connections, I guess I was drawn to them for excitement to escape boredom. Some examples:
As with any lifestyle change it's felt unnatural at times on top of a pretty ongoing level of second-guessing, but ultimately not without some seriously awesome benefits.
All this being said, I've made my mistakes and some people have walked away from me for the right reasons, but at the end of the day (as in this day, right here, right now) I am calm and happy and excited about the direction things are going in. Oh and by the wayyyy now that I have that work/life balance that I was dying for I have time for important things, like painting my nails, yeah that's right 2 sizes of sparkles&dark plum in 1 polish (Scandalous/Revlon) ::
Finances. Sigh. I have come to the realization that despite a *few* financial missteps through the years the most impactful has been the one to bring me the greatest joy. Olive Oil (hyperlink goes to the breeder where I bought her - yes she is on the homepage - & here she is pooping in case you've forgotten who she is) ::
$2300 up front + (Approx. $500/yr in costs x 6) + 1 week sick in '09 $6700 = ~ $12K
She is not worth the fur she is printed on.
On another note, financial health is a huge accomplishment. I am jealous of those that are there and if I stick with my goals I'm about 1 year away... I really recommend a financial tracker of basic life expenses, debts, weekly allowances & income to prioritize how you spend... Please see Exhibit A ::
You see, in the upper right I listed out my basic monthly bills/expenses. Then I pasted it on repeat in the left including rows for income. Then in the very bottom I divided what these add up to (or subtract down to, depending on how you view your glass) by the amount of weeks til that date and determined my weekly "allowance" for food, gas, fun, etc. If this amount is higher than what I will need, the leftover is tossed onto any debt or into a savings account (currently I'm hacking away at a moderate lump of credit cards + college loans <15K).
One great resource is Dave Ramsey, if you have debt I recommend his tactic of snowballing it (pay off smallest debts first but then roll those payments into the larger debts...ultimately living at the same means despite things being paid off).
Then there is always the flip-side of the coin, which is too risky for me... But this guy talks about how he paid off his house but would have made exponentially more in his other investments had he left the money there.
One thing I know, you can't take it with you in the end & it will only make you happy to a point, so maybe the bad little bulldog has brought enough joy and entertainment into my life in ways that will far exceed how -$12K impacted me. At least that's the way I see it, but my glass is 1/2 full :)
I've finely tuned my goals already this month so I don't necessarily need Resolutions, but it's always fun to feel as though you are starting fresh on January 1st ::
Losing weight is great, but being a healthy/hot shape (you know, like a rhombus) is nothing new in terms of goals and I am not beating myself up over body image... probably/hopefully ever again (although per my last post I deny myself olfactory delights on a daily basis). If I live in the image that I designed in my goals then:
Rightttttt??? One can only hope.
On another note, what is this season without sparkles? Which is why my Christmas wrapping has consisted only of sparkly items - bows, paper, ribbons, markers... Afterwards I chase the man in my life around his apartment with sparkly hands and then he becomes a sparkling Christmas elf as well!! And of course Olive gets plenty on her. The Christmas spirit gets on everything... Everything bro ::
it's true. it feels really shitty to break into a bag or box of sweets alone... but add a friend and VOILA instant comradery.
my mom always vents online about how she suffers through communal food in the workplace, and sure enough at my job there is pizza/pastries/candy/etc... every f ing day. which makes me think of that post going around Facebook with the Ethiopian kids up against the fat white chick on a supermarket sweep... sigh... #whitegirlproblems ::
either way, since starting this job I have had no pizza and none of the delicious North End pastries... not a one. and hence, even though I am not a skinny mini I still fit in summer clothes :D ::