peculiarities.

Poor Chris. I broke up with him over tuna tartare.

At certain times in one's life one comes to terms with their very own peculiarities and then decides to make the most of them. I am doing that now. Peculiarities including:

• obsessive compulsive thoughts that loop around until i organize/file them mentally.
• food anxiety.
• body dysmorphic disorder.

Pretty run of the mill for girls nowadays if you ask me. But either way the option is to be a little wacko and high strung with a ton of internal turmoil OR be my strange bad-ass self who is gleefully happy all most of the time. I choose B. 

Now for changing patterns. F. Hard. And so easy to keep feeding off negative cycles with drama and gossip. So what is there to do? Drugs? Sure that's the easy way out (and I am not discounting them, especially for rough patches) but I'm looking for long term solutions where I can be me:

• Behavioral control via positive reinforcement techniques (mantras like: "be positive" or "feelings are not facts" or "fear is a belief, beliefs can be changed") - then keep thinking these thoughts at the very moment you start to think the worst about whatever is troubling you, this is especially difficult & scary when the worst thoughts are linked to physical reactions.
• Ease up on thoughts of food / exercise / body image - the less I obsess and just decide what the plan is as the day goes on, the less I worry & the easier it is to make good choices.
• Love yourself... Yes you. Probably the hardest, but again Dr. Low's tools apply for positive reinforcement, how's this: "Endorse yourself for the effort, not only for the performance" - every day we are faced with decisions, work, dilemmas, stressors, and every day we keep chugging along. I got out of bed today. Good for me. I completed a successful day of work and got my stuff done. Good for me. I got to bed on time. Success.
• Lastly... Say goodbye to negative influences in your life. Thinking back to the friends, boyfriends and work situations that are no longer part of my life I can see why they were attractive - we fed on mutual drama. No hard feelings kids, but I am done.